I love you thiiiis much!

I love you to the mountains peak,

I love you more than words can speak,

I love you to the valleys low,

I love you more than you can know.

I love you more with every day,

I love you more each word you say,

I want to spend my remaining days,

Expressing my love in all the ways.

My wife the superhero.

You may see yourself as everyday ordinary,

while in reality, you are quite extrordinary.

You spend your days saving lives,

diagnosing illness, that no one dies.

You remember every day and time,

events, appointments, clandestine.

Your gifts to others always shine,

Your heart so caring, has stolen mine.

You carry the world upon your shoulders,

The heaviest mountains, the largest boulders.

You are superhuman in your way,

though it may feel like another day.

You have wisdom beyond your years,

the best solutions for Olivia's tears.

I revel daily, despite no clue,

As to why with me, you said I do.

I Love Your Face.

Your eyes so rich like fields of loam,

capture mine and bring me home.

Your smile wide and full of cheer,

Genuine for me, that much is clear.

Your dimples deep, mouth defined,

I tell that joke; you pay no mind.

I love your face, to the moon and back,

This poem will earn me, quite the whack.

Pure Joy

I love the excitemnt you find in life.

The look of pure joy on finding a wild Machop, or a Pikachu.

The excitment of having a Shiny that I have not found yet.

It allows your beauty to radiate out, showing the rest of the world the woman I love.

When everything goes right, and your smile breaks through.

When I do a good, and am rewarded with that look that I covet so.

I want to see that, every day, every moment.

Determination

You never let the world stop you,

You dive forward, pressing for your goals.

You get what you seek, tenacity driving away failure.

Nothing can stop you.

You saw us, as we would be, long before I did.

You knew exactly what we needed.

That fateful March break from school.

You created my I do, you created us. I am better for it.

Compassion

The world is not fair, to anyone.

I see how you rail against the wrongness.

I see how the injustices weigh upon your soul.

I see your desire to better the world.

Professional life is not what you expected.

"Do no harm" quickly being shown as "Do line pockets"

Internal politics driving change for the worse

External politics doing much the same, but on grander scale.

worry not, hold fast to your ideals,

The time rapidly approaches where you will set the course.

for every evil and injustice you see in the world,

your compassion will show through, nad make it right.

I love you.

Work in progress....

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Silent Heart

We welcomed you with open arms

Our hearts and home open to finally meet you

but on that fateful day, we were to find out

You werent there to meet us

It's not to say you didn't exist

In our hearts, in our minds, we greeted you

You had a name, you had a soul

Nothing can take that away.

The test was there, it proved you real

Our excitement was palpable, we were finally going to be united

Our family was to grow, and our love as well

But it was not to be, not yet

The level dropped, she knew what it meant.

My poor soul had no idea

joy and anticipation turned to dread

Our hopes and dreams, dashed. DEAD.

but worry not, for although your heart never formed

Your existence to remain ephemeral

Your heart did beat, it's dreadful pattern

In my mind alone, it began its dreadful tune

Thump Thump, you cannot succeed

Thump Thump, give up now

Thump Thump, you're doomed to fail

Thump Thump, Thump Thump, Thump Thump.

The heart that never beat, the breathe never taken

A life stolen before there was life

A name never given, a child never born

You were wrest from us before we even knew you

That was years ago, though it feels as if it was today

A harsh lesson, but not a deterence.

Olivia would have loved you as we almost did

She was not stolen from us, as you were

Your heart still beats

your soul still there, waiting

I will meet you when the time comes

I will love you, as I always have

Your heart still beats

My rhythm tuned to it now

The failure I feel, has always been with me

Now with meaning, now with drive

Your heart still beats

Every action, every feeling

Your heart still beats

I am better for it.

Your heart still beats

Your heart, still beats

Your heart still, beats

Your heart, still.

Judeo-Christianity and Modern "Christians"

I have spent countless hours of introspection and observation trying to find truth and meaning in life.

Work in progress....

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Work should not define you.

The following wall of text is a musing on the moment in my life I realized exactly what corporatism was taking from me.

My name is Luke Stephenson. My path in life has been full of twists and turns, many of which have caused me to stumble. I would muse that the most important turn my life ever took was not the largest, nor was it particularly sinister. The most important point of inflection in my life came during the week of January 21, 2017.

I had found what I felt was my purpose in life a mere 3 years earlier. Industrial programming gave my life direction and purpose. It allowed me to feel as though I was in control, it was valued by companies and individuals to the point where I was sure this is what I was meant to do. Then, all of a sudden, it wasn't even important enough to earn a footnote in my mind.

I got a text message from my wonderful fiance. She told me she wasn't feeling well. At the time, she was an hours drive away, enrolled in medical school and working with a physician at the local hospital for the day. I don't remember exactly what she texted, but I do remember thinking that it was probably just a cold making her feel that way, and she would feel better after some rest. Some time after lunch, I got another text. She was getting winded climbing stairs and was concerned she had a collapsed lung. She was heading to the urgent care, and wanted me to come see her ASAP. I told her I would, but I selfishly kept working to finalize the section of code I was attacking. I figured I could blame the delay on the traffic, and that we could enjoy a nice meal after she got out of the urgent care, and I would spend the weekend with her before returning Sunday night for work on Monday.

I departed nearly an hour after she had requested. I drove for about 20 minutes toward where she was when my phone started ringing. It was my dearest fiance. I picked up, expecting her to tell me that she was already discharged, and to just meet at her apartment. The voice on the other end was not her. It was a nurse from the urgent care informing me that she had been taken by ambulance to the local hospital. At this point in time, there was no information as to why this decision was made. My lizard brain took over. I pressed my shit-tastic little Ford Focus to it's limit (109mph with a tailwind, for those curious), skipping by traffic on the shoulder and frenetically scanning google maps on my tiny phone screen, trying to find a shorter route, speed limits be damned. This was the beginning of my darkest hours, and I had no idea it was coming.

Arriving at the hospital, I belted out the information I had, desperate to see my shining light, hoping it was all just precautionary, a simple misunderstanding. By some miracle, I was not challenged by the hospital staff with regards to going to see her, despite not being married. Maybe she had explicitly authorized my presence, or maybe they saw into my soul, laid bare as it was for all to see. I do not recall much information of the next few hours. I do remember seeing my love, ashen and still, breathing as though she had run a marathon. I don't remember if she was conscious when I arrived, my lizard brain discarded that information as irrelavent. I do remember the nurse, unable to hide her disdain for my loves condition. To all appearances, she was in DKA after having neglected her diet. A self inflicted malady. Etched to the most minute detail in my mind is the expression of the attending doctor when he laid eyes on her. His face slipped for the briefest moment into sorrow, and horror upon laying eyes on her. Chaos consumed my memory of the next few hours. I recall the Doctor ordering a CT for her chest. I faintly remember her parents arriving, and the description the doctor gave of TPA, and the necessity of it. I remember the nurse shifting from disdain, barely concealed, to full on caregiver. I vividly remember the fear in the nurses face of what was assumed to be coming. Others came too, in what order I do not remember. Every 15 minutes, another neurological check. A groan and a chuckle when the question was asked about who the sitting president was. The love in her eyes when she was asked who I was. The neurological checks came less frequently. Twice an hour, then once. The danger had passed for the moment. But damage had been wrought. They kept her for 4 days. I ate nothing. I had an energy drink once a day, from necessity, as adrenaline only goes so far.

The darkest hours came after the first day. I was loathed to leave the room, even for the toilet. when I was banished to my car, instructed to get some sleep, what I can only describe as the madness set in. I analyzed every moment from that first text. I recognized and internalized just how terrible a person I had been. I forced myself to stare in the face of reality, and also of the what ifs. I vividly hallucinated the TPA failing in its duty, and force my mind to endure what did not come to pass. I burned into my mind the agony of what my selfishness could have robbed me of, robbed her of. Moments of time that may have been the last, even though they were not. A fundamental shift in my being occurred in those days. I informed my employer of my new schedule, not caring how they felt about it. They wisely acquiesced to my demands. The seeds of depression, of self hatred and worthlessness spouted full force, as if they had never withered under my career accomplishments. I was once again a child who did not do as he was supposed to, but armed with the knowledge and experience that had dredged my true Ego from those depths nearly 5 years prior. I vowed to do better, to be better. She never saw this transformation. She did not see the darkenss in me, and would not for a few more years.

I cut myself back at work to 40 hours a week, informed them of my immediate limitations with regards to travel, and spent my time instead doing everyhting I could to help her recover. Her heart was damaged. The clotting had put such incredible strain on it that walking was a challenge for nearly a month afterward. Things shifted back to normal. Life mvoed on, and so did we. She finished school, we moved accross the state. A new job for me, residency for her. **INCOMPLETE**